my eyes are open ...wide.

It is ironic that I am in the cast of HAIR during a period of major personal transition. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and has a purpose. Although I cannot disclose all , I have had some major decisions to make recently. I have made those decisions and I feel positive they are correct for me and my family. 100% No doubts and I feel great!

Depression has been my enemy over the past four years. Post-partum is a bitch...take your sexist B.S. Tom Cruise and shove it up your Scientologist bum hole! I have a great marriage, kids, home, friends, career. What was my problem? (besides hormone imbalance) What was missing? Why I am not feeling completely happy? Where is the "Robin" that I have always known?

Then at a point when I needed it most I became immersed once again in the world of theatre. Thanks Scotty! Not as a staff member, but as one of the cast. I love choreographing, but the actor in me had been severely neglected for 8 years. Eight years without being in a show. I had to ask myself what was missing? Sometimes we need a push to discover the obvious.

Thanks to the tribe for your support and friendship. What wonderful people...New Line has always felt like home and once again I feel whole.

Hair today. Hair tomorrow.

I can't wait to see everyone tonight!!!! Yea! I love the Osage tribe!

I also can't wait to see what is going to take place during "The Bed" . At first I thought-What the hell is this doing in this show? It has nothing to do with anything. It's just a number stuck in the middle of Act II. Ugh, I hate that.

But, just like the rest of the show, it belongs right where it is in Act II. I've been thinking about this song all weekend. (Now I need to memorize the words) The more I think about it, the more sense it makes to me. This song does many things in my opinion:

Speaks of the everyday freedoms that we all enjoy - which Claude will be losing by going to war.
Acts as a reminder to Claude of these freedoms.
Tribe's protest and disagreement of Claude's decision to go to Vietnam.
A celebration of all the things the tribe holds dear - freedom to be who they are!

Peace to the Osage

Unfathomable Infinities

I love Jeanie. She is unique, wise, eternally optimistic..and usually stoned. I am so excited to learn more about her.

This is what I have discovered thus far:

Jeanette Ruth Ann Bolstein
Age: 19

Jeanie is the second daughter of three from a working class family residing in Yonkers, NY. Her father works for the railroad and her mother has an at-home sewing business. Jeanie grew up in a strict Roman Catholic environment. While both sisters conformed to the teachings of their parents and church, Jeanie always questioned her life and faith. Being an avid reader, she immersed herself in books about eastern religions and philosophies. She is confident that her chosen "path" will lead to enlightenment. Her spiritual beliefs will lead to internal happiness. She endured a strict Catholic girls' school while working part-time at a used book store in Manhattan. Upon meeting Claude Hooper Bukowski at the book store, she felt an immediate soul connection. A feeling deeper than love that cannot be replaced. Claude felt a physical connection with Jeanie, but doesn't love her. With the impending draft, he wants to continue his sexual exploration and is in love with his best friend's girl, Sheila.

Jeanie will never admit that she is carrying Claude's baby. That disclosure would change everything. Both Jeanie and Claude would lose the freedoms that they cherish. Claude would no longer feel free to make life choices and Jeanie would lose her maternal freedom. Jeanie's love for Claude is genuine and through this love she finds the strength to let him go. All she wants from him now is friendship (with occasional benefits) and respect.

When her family refused to support her pregnancy, she left home. Jeanie believes that her baby is better served by a positive, loving environment. The rest: food, clothes, a place to live, will happen when the time is right. Now she lives wherever she can, with whomever extends a helping hand. Through Claude she became an integral member of the "tribe". The "tribe" helps to support her financially and emotionally and she in turn supports them spiritually. Jeanie knows every member of the tribe better than they will ever know themselves. She sees a "deeper", beautiful being in everyone around her. Spirituality has given her clarity. Through her, they receive infinite optimism, mental support and kindness. Through her optimistic spirituality she has found her "tribe".

Peyote root...

So I was told to be less "cynical Robin Berger" and more "high, happy and semi-clueless Jeanie" by Director Scotty. I mean what does he want from me? Does he want me to act or something? Geesh! He also told me to speak an octave higher. Can I help it if I was blessed with my father's voice?

So, knowing that Scotty is completely and utterly correct, I am channeling the spirits of all of the smelly, wanna-be-hippie art majors that assaulted my nasal passages for five years at Webster U. You know the types...made up names because they couldn't connect with the "normal" ones that their parents gave them. They walk around sporting the name of their favorite song from their favorite band. Usually an 80's band. How "hippie" is that? Like I said..."wanna-be".

But seriously, I am so excited about the challenge, vibe and genius that is HAIR. There is positive growth potential for me as an actor. How wonderful to be a part of this historical show. Thanks for including me in the tribe!

Now, I must channel the spirits of the stinky...

Play some Lynerd Skynerd man!

Later losers...